if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
