He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They took my balls.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
