Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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