he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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