Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
