I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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