areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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