I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
