I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
