I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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