it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
