I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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