If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
