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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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