It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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