Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
