I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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