Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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