She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
