Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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