youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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