After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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