My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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