So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
