just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
