Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
