i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
