She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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