Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
