I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
