apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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