Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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