She's JV to your varsity
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
