YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
