apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize