My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
