New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Duck Duck Cougar?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
