Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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