theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm passing your future prison.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
