Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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