What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
