Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
