Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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