if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
