You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
