i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
