Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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