You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
