You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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