seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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