my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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