I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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