At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
