So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my shit smells like andre
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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